Review: Dracula A.D. 1972

A century to the day after his defeat at the hands of Lawrence Van Helsing, a group of young Londoners experimenting with satanism for a laugh at the behest of the mysterious and charismatic Johnny Alucard unwittingly resurrect Count Dracula, who immediately sets about executing his plan for revenge against the great, great granddaughter of the man who killed him.

DRACULA A.D. 1972
1972 (Duh!)
Rated PG

"Dig the music, kids!"

When, oh when will young people learn that rock & roll music leads to satanism, which leads to the violent deaths of all your friends, which leads inevitably to a beautiful young girl's spiritual enslavement at the hands of an ancient, demonic force? I mean, how many times do they need to have it spelled out for them before they get it? It's not like Hollywood didn't warn them!

Okay, okay, so Dracula A.D. 1972 isn't really a proper Hollywood picture. The product of the venerable Hammer Studios horror mill of the sixties and seventies, this "modern" sequel to Bram Stoker's classic at least manages the pedigree of being set in the same city as the original. Still, if secret satanic societies were half as prevalent back then in the UK as they were in the US - which was quite prevalent indeed, if you believe the allegations of Jack Chick, Phil Phillips, and Geraldo Rivera - then we're just lucky anybody had the courage to stand up against them and warn the young people of the world. Thank God for you, Hammer Studios; and thank God for Dracula A.D. 1972.

The horror begins at a party in modern (1972, in case you still hadn't caught-on) London, where a young sophisticate has made the tragic mistake of inviting a rock & roll band - Stoneground, as we are repeatedly reminded - to play at his upper class soiree. Unfortunately, the musical depredations of rock & roll have - as is their way - attracted numerous shady characters, at the center of whom stands the sexy, sleepy-eyed Johnny Alucard. Johnny bears an unsettling resemblance to someone we've already seen, someone who seemed to have an unnatural affinity for Count Dracula and who, in the prologue of the movie, stole the dead villain's ashes and ring after his death at the hands of Lawrence Van Helsing.

At this point the movie plays out as so many have before it, predictably cycling through the satanic mass, hepcat coffee shop drug-rings, and credulous police inspectors who have no problem believing that a vampire is responsible for a string of mutilation murders, and who see nothing wrong with letting an old man stumble around a crime scene in the dark, setting traps for these vampires. It's all just routine.

"But was it any fun?" I can hear you asking, and I can't help but think you're missing the point. Fun? Is eternal servitude to a dark, vampire lord fun? Is gambling with your very soul fun? Is casting caution aside and succumbing to the evils of rock & roll music fun? I tell you, my friends, fun will be our downfall if we allow it! The road to hell is paved with fun!

And rock & roll. Lots of that.

SEX: 2/5

Dirty pillows! Dirty pillows squished together and bursting from necklines like fresh-baked loaves of bread! Thank heavens there weren't any nipples on display! Well, at least there were none that weren't covered by a thin layer of silk.

BLOOD: 3/5

Witness the fate of those who allow themselves to be taken in by the evils of sex, drugs, and rock & roll! Oh, and disintegrating vampires! Those were actually kinda sweet.

ROCK & ROLL: 3/5

Plenty of literal rock & roll on display, but as far as fun goes, is it fun to watch young people driven to ruination by decadent living? Really? Wow, you've got problems!

-GABE

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