666 portals exist in secret, connecting this world to the other side. Somewhere in Japan an escaped murderer finds himself betrayed by the men sent to aid him. He does what he does best, but in the Forest of Resurrection, located at the 444th portal, death isn't as permanent as it used to be.
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| It's GOLD, baby! 'Cause it's ULTIMATE! |
VERSUS: ULTIMATE EDITION
2004
Rated R
"Die slowly, okay? We don't want you coming back to life on us."
(NOTE: This movie review is of Versus: Ultimate Edition. This version of the film is about 10 minutes longer than the original, and includes several recut, re-edited, or retouched sequences. Just so's you knows.)
I think Clarence the angel summed it up best in his note to George Bailey at the end of It's a Wonderful Life: "No man is a failure who has friends." Well, if you don't have at least a friend or two dozen who will occasionally turn you on to crazy, fucked-up, obscure little cinematic gems from time to time, you have my pity, you failure. Friends with senses of humor and fun almost as twisted as mine are the only reason I know about movies like Sars Wars: Bankok Zombie Crisis, Riki Oh: The Story of Ricky, or even the B-movie to end all B-movies, Troll 2. And now I can add Versus: Ultimate Edition to the list. Boy, that tubby angel really knew what he was talking about. Imagine all the fucked-up shit he was into!
If you've ever read a movie review I've written (
CLICK HERE for a whole slew of them if you haven't) you probably know that I wouldn't ordinarily praise a movie for being all-over the place tonally, but
Versus: Ultimate Edition is one of those blessed few movies like
Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn or the peerlessly, wonderfully awful
Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except (
CLICK HERE to read my review) who manage to turn atonal chaos into a punk rock cinema experience whose only real caveat needs to be, "If it's too loud, you're too old."
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| "Eye" see what you did there! |
From the jump
Versus: Ultimate Edition is a martial-arts/zombie movie hybrid, and if it were just that, it would have already had my full attention from start to finish and pulled the whole thing off with flying colors. The characters are archetypes rather than people (The Prisoner, The Girl, The Boss, The Psychopath, The Idiot, The Professional); the action is frenetic and over-the-top; and the production values are clearly shoestring-level. This movie already has everything!
Not satisfied with bad-enough, however, Director/Co-Writer Ryuhei Kitamura manages to cram in enough plot twists and tone-shifts to keep even an ADD-afflicted squirrel's eyes glued to the screen, which is good, considering the roughly 157-minute runtime. No spoilers, but at one point there is an absolutely brilliant post-Matrix spinning track-shot montage that goes so absurdly long that it has to be a commentary on the self-indulgence of action cinema in the wake of the Wachowskis' sci-fi/action epic. I just couldn't stop laughing, and that, for my money, is quality entertainment.
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| He ain't got time to bleed. |
"You know what I want from an action/horror movie? Plausible scenarios, logical outcomes, and a clearly defined set of rules the filmmaker sticks to at all times," said no action/horror fan, ever. Look, there is a time and a place for coherent plotlines, realistically drawn characters, rational physics, and a masterfully crafted tapestry of setups and payoffs. There is also a time for bugnuts insanity with no rules that hurls you back and forth between laughing 'til your face hurts and gripping the arm of your chair 'til you leave dents in the upholstery. If you don't agree,
Versus: Ultimate Edition isn't for you. If you do, give it a look-see. I think you'll be glad you did.
And when you do, don't forget who your friends are.
SEX: 1/5 BLOOD: 3/5 ROCK & ROLL: 4/5
Be sure to join us next time on a new journey into the realms of the strange, horrific, and action-packed! SPOKANE SCHLOCK - This ain't your daddy's fringe cinema review blog!
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